Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Randomize
