Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize
