I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
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