Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
