Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Randomize
