I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
and she was petting her beer can
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Randomize
