Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
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