Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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