Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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