would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
