i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
