Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
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