wrigley field is MILF paradise
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
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