dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
