somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
Randomize
