Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
