As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
