So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
