I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
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