My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
What a fucking waste of an outfit
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
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