Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
I forget how to act sober
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