Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
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