...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Randomize
