Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Randomize
