ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
