The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Randomize
