i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Randomize
