I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
it wasn't lemon gatorade
You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
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