peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Randomize
