I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
