Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
I stole a fireplace last night.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Randomize
