There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
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