he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
