Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
This is classic penis vs brain.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
