Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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