I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
