No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
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