he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Damn victory sex feels great
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Randomize
