I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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