I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
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