Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
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