That's intense
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Drunk is a universal language darling
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
Randomize
