So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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