Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
