Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
