I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
