that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
