Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
