guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
They took my balls.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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