I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
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