just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
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