where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
