i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
