You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
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I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
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"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
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