I think i peed on brittanys purse
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
So I just went to clothing optional bar
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
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