I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
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