Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Randomize
