You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
I would fuck him just for his dog
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
