my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
