She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
I want a musical about memes.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Randomize
